Speechification!

You know, one weird thing about me - or at least, I think it's weird - is that I tend to pick up ...speech mannerisms? I'm not exactly sure how to phrase it, but it's true. It's not just that I tend to pick up phrases or even accents from other people - it's just...weird.

For example, I've just been reading a new online comic (well, not new - just new to me). And now I'm thinking in the same way the comic is written - I can feel myself thinking with the same sorts of emphasis, the same short phrases and sentences - it's like a new type of language, and I'm repeating it, testing it out.

I'm not making it my own, which would be one thing. I'm just copying it, testing it out, kinda trying to make my thoughts fit in. Usually, this goes away relatively quickly - every time I watch Sweet Home Alabama, for instance, I think in a southern accent for about half an hour or so afterwards (and speak in one, too, although I'm sure it's atrocious), but then it's gone. I pick up accents from books - sometimes accents which don't even exist, but I get this weird feeling in my mouth, like I want to hold my entire jaw differently to pronounce things.

This is probably related to why I find languages relatively easy to pick up - somewhere along the way (I think a lot of it was from taking Sanskrit), I learned to pay attention to how to pronounce things - and how to hold my tongue and lips and jaw to replicate it.

Some things - ways of emphasizing certain words, turns of phrase, I decide I like, and keep, but it always feels kind of weird. Usually these are things I picked up from friends of mine, and I keep on expecting someone to say something about it. I'm basically parroting them, after all - I would think it must be annoying.

I almost wonder if this is some weird way of trying to make myself fit in. I've always been somewhat socially inept, and I don't feel like I'm very good at making conversation. Listening I can do, but actual conversations with people are hard for me. Sometimes I think I imitate others because it's easier than working out how to talk to people on my own.

I don't feel like I'm a very interesting person to talk to, a lot of the time - one on one is fine, but in large, or even medium-sized groups, I'm usually drowned out. I don't know if that just means I'm quiet, or if I'm actually boring to talk to. I think it's a mixture of both, but there are definitely times when I feel like it's entirely the latter. So I think I pick up things from friends of mine to try to make myself sound more interesting.

Whatever the reason is, though, I wish I could stop doing it - and it's usually subconscious, so I don't know how. But it would be nice, to find my own voice.
~2/5/09
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Okay, I'm not actually sure why I didn't post that ( I wrote the above several months ago), but I didn't, and I feel like adding to it now - so I guess this'll probably be a pretty long post.

Anyway - I've been reading Ivanhoe lately - which I am actually enjoying, and I don't think it's that difficult a read. Just takes a bit of getting used to the language and style, really. It does mean I find myself thinking in an older English style, though. Fortunately I haven't said anything odd (yet), but it is very strange to find yourself thinking things like "I doubt it not".

Of course, besides this, I've also been working at Subway. And I generally let myself slip into 'dumb English - or whatever you might want to call it - while I'm there. Not that I think my coworkers are dumb, mind you, it's just that I try to fit in with how they speak. I've learned that there's nothing more uncomfortable than having coworkers think you think that you're better than them in some way. So, I try to avoid sounding like myself while I'm there. I don't mean to sound patronizing or anything, I just, apparently, naturally use a larger vocabulary than most people.

I have the same thing happen with my brother-in-law; I'll use a word that I assume is well-known, and he doesn't know what I mean. It's not that he's stupid - I'm just...introverted? I've definitely spent too much of my time reading books instead of conversing with people.

It does feel very strange, though, to be thinking in an old English rhythm, and then go to work for a few hours and deliberately use very poor grammar. Maybe I really should just talk like I normally would, but I hate it when people look at me like I'm crazy. I don't really mind not fitting in at work - I like who I am, and I know that the life I've chosen is very different from that of most of the other people there. I just try not to stick out like a sore thumb. Particularly since so many of the customers around here have a tendency to look down on us. Well, not the regulars so much, but other people...it's not exactly unusual for me to really wish I could point out that I probably went to a better college than them or their children, and, dammit, they should treat me like a regular person, not a servant.

In any case, with customers like that, it's easier to get along at work if I can joke around with my coworkers, and that isn't easy to do if you seem to think you're above them at all. It's not like I lie to them about anything, either - they know that I've got a degree and I'm looking for a job, just working at Subway temporarily. The point is to try and get along - even if I do occasionally catch myself wincing at what's coming out of my mouth.

Which brings me (sort of) back around to my original point - it's a very odd dichotomy, switching back and forth from Ivanhoe to street English. But maybe this means that my mimicking is actually a good thing?